John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum

What will it take to kill John Wick? In the first instalment of the franchise, the eponymous assassin survived stabbings and shootings aplenty to avenge his puppy’s murder, and in the second he displayed an immunity to both vehicular homicide and home-flattening explosions. In John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum, John withstands all of that and then some, including one moment that may well have some viewers, like a bewildered Austin Powers, asking of Mr Wick “Why won’t you die?”

The answer to John Wick’s indestructability lies in two words, fearfully whispered by those aware of his impossible exploits: Baba Yaga. John Wick isn’t a mortal man. He is a myth, a spectre, a supernatural being – the Boogeyman. Of course he can’t die. The John Wick films aren’t depictions of reality, nor are they overly concerned with stakes or tension. They’re folktales, legends, awe-inspiring accounts of impossible odds overcome. And just as legends are told and retold and retold again, each retelling more embellished than the last, Parabellum is a more elaborate and excessive retelling of its predecessors.

It picks up where Chapter 2 left off, John (Keanu Reeves) having been declared excommunicated by the clandestine High Table for killing a crime lord in cold blood on inviolable grounds. John’s new status means every assassin under the sun (which appears to be everyone and their dog) is gunning for him, forcing John to seek the help of former friends and mentors as he evades his would-be killers. Essentially, Parabellum takes the extended montage from Chapter 2, in which John fights off numerous assassins one after another, including a sharp-suited sumo and a deadly violinist, and extends it into a full narrative.

There’s nothing quite as fun in Parabellum as John Wick and Common’s steely Cassian sneakily shooting at each other in a crowded subway station, but Kevlar-vested Belgian Malinois and runaway horseplay come a close second, even if the latter ends before reaching full gallop. An early knife-fight stands out as the most enjoyably visceral (and violent) sequence, while the Skyfall-inspired third act climax appropriately retreads Chapter 2’s hall of mirrors sequence with added embellishments, including a cameo by Yayan Ruhian and self-aware asides.

As with Jonathan Sela’s work on Chapter 1 and his own work on Chapter 2, cinematographer Dan Laustsen shoots much of the action from in front of Keanu Reeves, particularly in Parabellum’s extended shootouts. It’s the same technique Gilbert Hubbs applied when shooting Enter the Dragon (Robert Clouse, 1973)’s cave sequence, disposable baddies jumping into frame before being dispatched immediately by a bare-chested Bruce Lee. The decision serves to keep focus on Wick and, as the audience observes his already inconceivable kill-count increase, enhances his mythical status.

For all his indestructability, there is perhaps one thing that could kill John Wick: with a fourth film already in development, the myth of John Wick could well turn into an eye-rolling tall tale if overtold. Some folktales never lose their mystique, even after countless retellings, but many do; the more a child hears stories of the Boogeyman, the more they learn about him, the more the Boogeyman’s power fades. That’s what it will take to kill John Wick – an audience who has heard the same story too many times.

John Wick 3 is out in cinemas across the UK on Friday, May 24th.

Destination Wedding

Lindsay (Winona Ryder) and Frank (Keanu Reeves) are both on their way to a wedding in San Luis Obispo in California’s wine country. Lindsay was the groom’s ex and Frank is the groom’s brother. They haven’t met each other before but do so in the departure lounge of the flight to San Luis Obispo where they immediately start up a pointless argument about where Frank is standing. They can’t stand each other, they can’t stand the wedding couple, they can’t stand the idea of going to the wedding, they are both full-time haters of humanity. They don’t even like themselves. Frank has the disgusting habit of itching his ear while making a sort of howling sound. Lindsay breathes on plants. Welcome to the world of wacky Californians.

The film continues in this vein with both of them continually contradicting each other in what is supposed to be a witty way. They don’t sit with the other guests on the evening before the wedding before they despise them. They don’t appreciate their wedding free gifts left in their hotel rooms or their transport (all of it complimentary – this is the world of rich Californians). They get bored at the wedding, wander off into the surrounding countryside and encounter a wild lynx (I presume that was the cat in question). Frank frightens it off with the disgusting howling sound he makes when he itches his ear. They both fall over into each other’s arms and before you can blink, they are making love.

I have never seen or heard of a couple of any description of sexuality make love, including their orgasm sounds, while carrying on what is supposed to be a witty conversation. Sexy? No, not at all. If you get your jollies imagining or looking at celebrities making love, this is not how to go about it. Believe it or not, they eventually fall in love and secure their affection by drinking wine and eating what looks like a large bar of Toblerone on one of their hotel beds. Of course, they go on arguing but that is supposed to be part of the fun.

This movie is essentially a celebrity vehicle. Lots of people will like it because they like celebrities or are crazy about Winona Ryder or Keanu Reeves. Hollywood films about sparring couples are not new and are sometimes quite funny. I was left cold. I find it an exercise in social sycophancy of a particularly American kind. I am reminded of British people watching films about the Royal Family in a grovelling way – not that such films show royal couples making love, but you never know, Megan and Harry might surprise us yet. Harry at least knows how to get his kit off in Las Vegas!

Celebration Wedding is out in cinemas across the UK on Friday, May 10th.