QUICK AND DIRTY: LIVE FROM BERLIN

Libuše Jarcovjáková career spans almost 50 years, all neatly captured in Klára Tasovská’s documentary. The film consists of the black and white stills snapped by the photographer, accompanied by excerpts from her contemporary diaries as well as some reflections, narrated by the Libuše herself (who is still alive and working). There’s little more, except perhaps for some sound effects and the music score. This is the exposition of a photographic portfolio, and as such it heavily relies on the quality of the pictures. This is also a statement about the female authorship (both the filmmaker and the subject are women), and how the patriarchal communist regime stifled female voices.

Libuše Jarcovjáková’s work is outside the mainstream of history. Her photographs are at the peripheries of momentous events such as the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1968 and the the Fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. Instead, their value lies in capturing the everyday life of ordinary people, which has earned her the “Czech Nan Goldin” accolade.

In the early ’70s, Libuše Jarcovjáková gets into the prestigious Famu (Film and TV Academy of Performing Arts), but she eventually drops out without a qualification because she feels that the institution is too elitist. She appears to have a serious drink problem. After Famu, she travels both inside Czechoslovakia and abroad, particularly to Japan. A Japanese friend believes in her work and introduces her to various fashion magazines. Living abroad is frowned upon by the Communist regime, and that too has negative repercussions.

Libuše Jarcovjáková’s photographs have historical value because they contain vignettes of life under the communist regime. They also register Libuše’s interest in sex and nudity, including manifold representations of her own body. Underlying questions about her sexuality and the decisions she makes – such as getting pregnant twice bye the same man and then seeking an abortion – are pervasive in her work.

The biggest problem with I Am Not Everything I Want To Be is that the photographer is a reticent and unreliable narrator. The story she tells lacks self-reflection, an understanding of her own journey. She shares some crucial facts, but holds back many others. For example,. she states that she has problems getting into university because of her family’s political leanings, but this is not entirely accurate: merit (not family ideology) was the main criterion for entry into the higher education system. It is rumoured that Libuše may have been a Lesbian, and even embraced a non-binary identity, but this is never discussed in the film. In other words, Libuše’s testimonials lack vigour and courage. Susana de Sousa Dias’s 48 (2009), a documentary about Portuguese fascism combining photographs with voice-over, is an aesthetically similar and far more engaging movie because the narrators deliver poignant tstimonials.

I Am Not Everything I Want To Be just premiered in the Panorama section of the 74th Berlin International Film Festival.